My take on ‘being’

What Is Ascension, Kundalini, Your Inner Dragon, the River of Life and the Rainbow Bridge?

When I was newly on my path, and dramatically awakened from a traumatic event like coming out of a bad dream state, I was so shaken up that I had no choice but to look around at the mess I created and take responsibility for it. I began to seek by wandering in the world of spiritual studies. I searched high and low for the questions that haunted me in my sadness: what is the purpose of life?; what is my purpose?; how can I heal myself of depression and anxiety?; and how can I truly find happiness, meaning and peace in my life? I am certain these questions are also on the minds of many seekers. For ‘times they are a changing’ and the world is waking up in great numbers.

I began looking into many areas of spiritual wisdom. I spent years filling my mind with deep knowledge. I read everything I could. I made notes upon notes and journaled my heart out. I wrote countless pages of mantras and positive affirmations. I was surrounded in knowledge. As my knowledge base grew, I felt very empowered in many ways. But, my personal life continued to challenge me on all fronts. I still struggled with reactivity and was operating a lot from a place of survival.

Each of the pathways I researched had similar pointers in the way to cultivate meaning and purpose, but I never really understood the process of enlightenment and how to reach it. I was a very determined seeker though, so I kept going. Finally, I realized what was missing in my life - a healing meditation practice. I had to learn to be with myself. Rather than filling me up with external power, love, experiences and knowledge, I had to raise the hidden power that was already deep within my being. I had to liberate the inner child, the broken teenager, and the insecure mother. I had to go to the basement to free them from their chains. And to do this, I had to go inside. I didn’t realize how much energy these old, painful, buried stories took up. They kept me disorganized, sick, distracted, disconnected, late for things, tired, stiff, over sensitive and reactive. My house was built on sand and could not withstand much stress. My tolerance for pain was very small, which was indicative of my inner being state, small.


So, today, I will share what my experience has been with the search for freedom, which I feel is the meaning of life. True liberation to be oneself completely. To be ok. To be love, joy and peace. For it is abundantly available to you. Our life is our ascension over the rainbow bridge. It is the raising of this energy, Shakti, Kundalini that is unfolding right in front of us. With each step we take, each exchange of words, thoughts and actions we decide, are we in the flow of this magnificent energy or are we going against ourselves? Each time, I felt scared, doubt, a judgement or negative thought cross my mind, I felt myself disconnect from this creative force – which disconnected me from healing and from my fullest potential Each time, however, I surrendered to the moment, accepted what was in front of me, gave a situation space to resolve on its own, let things be, I settled deep within the natural essence of my wise inner soul. I embraced the life force that was within. Each morning, I showed up in my meditation with the intention of letting go of the next layer of stuff, an outdated belief system, and to honestly look at my part in whatever challenge I was facing. I committed to liberating this life force. Honestly it was not easy, and I was disconnected many times. But each time I stayed in the flow, it got more comfortable being there than making a negative choice. I tapped into more and more love, joy and peace. I didn’t need to write a mantra, seek for it externally in a book, or at church. It came up like a spring of refreshing water. It was like finding my own fountain of youth. This inner energy was then felt in everything and everyone, especially in nature. Feeling the energy flowing through the elements - earth, water, fire and air - is feeling the connection to source. If you are feeling disconnected, just spend time outdoors and you will quickly feel better.

Settling into a meditation practice is just that. It is practice so that, when you are in the moment in your life when you are faced with a reaction, you have strengthened your spiritual muscle and can more effortlessly stay centred and access the space of potential. A creative idea may become available, or permission to let something be as it is. Within this presence deep inside is a knowing so transcendental it is very difficult to put into words. You must trust me!

This is where the masters - Buddha, Christ and Krishna - have spoken about. This is the place of perfection I truly believe that I was aiming for. I misunderstood my desire for perfection as a negative. It was only trying to get me to step into the ALL. To enter this timeless place, where we learn that everything is ok and is as it should be. To fall into this gentle wave, one must decide at each moment to allow and not to resist. I realized that the final letting go of control was going to take me to a very soft, gentle space; a place that I can only describe as floating, coasting, gliding and flying. Perhaps that is why we seek out these experiences as they mimic our organic state. If you haven’t had a chance to experience a float tank, I highly recommend it. It feels like the timeless place, the void complete peace, perfection and oneness you can be in.

So, there you have it. My take on ‘being’. To be in this river, this gentle space, we must choose to step into it. You will find a creative force waiting to be accessed and harnessed. Your true passions will become even more electric and magnetic, and the colours in your world will become more vibrant.

The last thing I will say is it takes time, it takes commitment, and it takes perseverance. But, anything worth achieving does not come easily. That is the gift of time. We can waste it or embrace its lessons. Take that step within. Step into your meditation mat, your pillow, or bed. You will be a better version of yourself each time you do.



Jennifer Kilmer